Filipino Food Frights #1

I'm doing some research and I'm looking at a web page entitled London Eating - The Definitive Guide to Eating in London (http://www.london-eating.co.uk/) and the page helpfully provides a drop down menu for all the different types of restaurants that are available.  The list contains 71 types of food, the vast majority of which are linked to the country of source.  Admittedly, there are a few odd ones in there, such as "Pub" or as vague as "Sandwich".  However, the purpose of my research is that I'm looking through the letter F for Filipino.  None.  P for Philippines. Nano.

There's probably a good reason for this and I hope to be able to demonstrate why this is based on my own gastronomical experiences via this blog. This has come about due not to one or two isolated experiences of bad food but a whole raft of dire culinary episodes.

But before I go any further let me explain: I am in no way a fussy eater.  I will eat most things (sea slugs, chicken's feet and any deep fried bugs not withstanding). 

Just to ensure a level playing field and for the benefit of displaying an unbiased approach, here is a list of the Top 10 best foods that the Philippines can offer, courtesy of Howard Hillman's World Cuisine Guide of Philippines Specialities:  My comments are in red

Lechon

Whole pig roasted to the crispy skin stage over coals. Named Lechon de Leche when a suckling pig is used. This specialty is essential for festive parties and celebrations - and has become the national dish, along with Adobo.
Yes, this is very popular and I've tried it many times and it never fails to disappoint.  Tasteless, tough and rarely has good crackling.  Usually prepared under questionable hygiene conditions, especially considering it's pork.

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Adobo

Marinated pork and/or chicken is sauteed, then simmered with the marinade along with garlic, vinegar and soy sauce.
Can't say I've tried it.  Can't say I'm missing it.

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Lumpia Shanghai

Small, thin spring roll with a minced pork stuffing. A popular hors d'ouevre.
Thin because there's usually very little in them.  Usually cold and fatty.

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Pancit Canton

Thin rice noodles stir-fried with tiny shrimp, minced pork and sausage, bite-sized vegetables, what have you. Many pancit versions exist including Pancit Bihon.
Watery with questionable "bits" floating in it.

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Halo Halo

A dessert made with sweetened jackfruit, beans, milk, and crushed ice. Served in a tall glass with a spoon. Name translates "mix-mix".
Even more watery made so by the large amounts of ice.  Sweet.

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Kare Kare

A rich peanut-accented stew made with ox tails. Entrails and vegetables are frequently added.
Entrails?  Enough said.

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Sinigang

A soupy dish made with chicken, pork, seafood, vegetables, you name it. Tarmarind gives Sinigang its essential sour note.
Yes, you name it . . . if you can.

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Suman

Sticky rice wrapped and steamed in a banana or palm leaf.
Not tried it but it sounds good.  You can't screw up steamed rice, can you?

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Dinuguan

A stew of pork and pig innards thickened with fresh pig’s blood.
Innards?  

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Balut

Boiled fertilized duck egg complete with the visible embryo. It's an acquired taste.
Very popular . . . but not with me.  The idea of eating an embryo, with baby feathers and beak is just too horrific to contemplate.  To say it's an "... an acquired taste." is an understatement.

And so onto today's events that really prompted me into action and which was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak.  The power was off in the office so rather than sweat it out for lunch I went to the SM shopping centre (SM for Super Mall, not Sado-Masochistic, unless of course you're referring to the food).

I thought I give good old Kenny Rogers Roasters (another unfortunate name) a try, thinking that roasted chicken would be a healthy enough choice and with a large picture of white haired, grandfatherly Kenny looking down on the proceedings what could possibly go wrong in his shiny, prestigious food chain.

The point were you order the food is right next to the salad/vegetable serving area, which is behind a large perspex screen so you can see a sour-faced, scowling girl serving up your delicious food right in front of your own eyes.  Being as it was lunchtime there was only one till operational and despite there being only two people in front of me I stood there for 20 minutes waiting to be served.  Now you may think I spent my time idly standing by, patiently awaiting my turn to be served but no, I took a great interest in the sour-faced, scowling girl preparing the meals.  Why?  Well, something caught my eye and it held my fascination because to begin with I was sure I had seen right and then I was transfixed because I couldn't actually believe what I was seeing. 

Initially, I saw small pots of the vegetables being scooped out into the large holding/serving tubs and I thought it an odd thing to do and it prompted my curiosity.  Then I saw it happen for other items and it was the fact that it was the small tubs that the food is served up in that got me thinking: surely, in the name of all that is holy, she wasn't taking the left-over, uneaten food and scooping it back into the main pots for re-serving, was she?  So I continued to watch and confirmation came when she scooped the half eaten food off of a plate back into the servers before dumping the plates in the tray to be washed up.  Admittedly, she left the half of the food that had been mauled and pushed around a bit and only scooped the untouched food back into to the servers, so that's all right then?! Then there was the half eaten chicken.  This wasn't thrown away into a bin of any description but was placed onto a stainless steel rack in a drawer.  My mind boggled as to what this was going to be used for?  Perhaps the chicken sandwiches?

Any one in their right mind would have turned into the Coward of the County and run away but I was so fascinated by this I had to sit down and watch it going on for a bit longer, and possibly and surreptitiously video it on my mobile phone.  

It was my turn to order and despite a rapidly declining appetite I asked for the Classic Healthy Plate and a mango juice. After a minutes deliberation the girl at the till decided there was no mango juice, only mango shake.  "Ok, I'll have the shake".  Another minutes deliberation and consultation with her supervisor and I was told there was no mango shake.  For heavens sake, this is mango central in the height of the mango season and I can't even get a mango drink.  "Ok then, I'll have the iced lemon tea" and I braced myself for the disappointment that that was unavailable too.  So far so good, except that she then told me that the Classic Healthy Plate was not available.  Inside my head I was turning into Gordon Ramsay: "What the **** do you mean there's no Classic Healthy Plate.  It's a piece of ******* chicken and a bit of salad, which I know you've got plenty of cos I've seen you ******* shovelling the ******* leftovers back into the ******* servers".  

"I'll leave it", I said and walked out.  Perhaps it wasn't available because it had been too early to recover the meal from someone else's plate?